I can't seem to get past it! So many days, I feel completely overwhelmed. I do so well--for a day or two--maybe even three! Then, it hits me again. I'm engulfed in a mudslide. At first, I just slip a little. Then, I really start to slide, and I feel as if I'm losing control. I can't gain any footing. I look around desperately. I say to myself, "It isn't really bad at all! It just seems that way for the moment. Get a grip!"
Whew! OK, I take a deep breath and let it out. Not exactly slowly. My breath sort of chugs out, and I shudder. I try to gain control. I can do this life. I know I can. I must. Concentrate on something you do have control over. Oh, yeah, I will go put a load of clothes from the washer into the dryer. I can do that...Things return to normal.
The holidays are hard for me, still, but not in the way I might expect. Yes, I do miss Don as much as ever, but that is a constant. The most difficult part is doing all that must be done by myself and without him. I am fortunate to have people who help me. For example, my son-in-law got down my artificial tree at Thanksgiving. It is impossible for me to get it down from the loft over the garage, so his thoughtfulness was much appreciated.
Putting the tree together had always been a joint effort for Don and me. I would fluff and he would attach. He put on the lights. I put on the ornaments. Alone, it took me a few days. I did enjoy it, but it was very time-consuming. Today, I am thinking ahead to the task of taking it all down. That will take another few days. It can be almost overwhelming, but not quite.
I think the problem for me is--all the "not quite" tasks put together. That's where it gets almost too much! Then, I must rely on the One, who is always with me, as I say to myself, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."(Philippians 4:13)