It's Been Four Years

It doesn't seem possible that I've been a widow for four years. I wondered what life would be like after a few years had passed and now I've found out.

The seasons still come and go. My daughters are continuing on without the good counsel and present influence of their father. My grandchildren are growing up. I'm not feeling as stressed as I felt the first three years of my new life. I'm OK.

Life is once again normal--just a different normal than it used to be. I deal with the problems that come my way without the help of my husband--just like millions of other women have to do. Yes, it is more difficult and confusing, but I manage with the help of God. I look to Him for help more often than I did in my old life.

I've learned to make-do and not fret about it. I've managed to do a few minor plumbing tasks. With the help of YouTube, I was able to replace the pump in the master bath toilet. It works. The only thing I can't figure out is why it makes a terrible whistling, tooting sound. It didn't do that for the first few months, but now it does it at every flush. And it's loud! You can hear it all through the house and probably outside--if the window is open! Oh well, it works, so I'll just live with it.

Life goes on. I try to look for a purpose in each new day.

"Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men." Colossians 3:23

I procrastinate

I had such good intentions, but I'm afraid I've neglected this blog. I want to do better.

I've never really been good at follow-through. It's a character flaw that I haven't overcome. I remember, even as a child, this was a problem for me. Well, maybe it wasn't a problem that got me into trouble. It was more of a problem of self-discipline that caused me to be disappointed in myself.

I was a Bluebird from age 6-8, I believe, and then a Camp Fire Girl. I remember that we had learned the Bluebird Wish:
To have fun.
To learn to make beautiful things.
To remember to finish what I begin.
To learn to keep my temper most of the time.
To go to interesting places.
To learn about trees, and flowers, and birds.
To make friends.

"...remember to finish what I begin." It was as much of a problem then, as now :-)
Darn!

Building Supply Stores

Yesterday, I was off to a local building supply store. Keep in mind that prior to this month, I'd never been to one of those places by myself. I decided it was time to break out of my past mold and step forward. I had recently gone to the same store, but asked a friend to go with me. I'd borrowed a couple of samples, so now I needed to return them. I thought of calling my friend again, but then decided that I didn't need the support. So, I did it by myself. It wasn't bad at all. The salesmen were helpful and even took me seriously. They offered ideas I might like to consider, without being condescending. They offered to special order some flooring that I was interested in. I left there knowing I would soon return.

Last week, on the other hand, I went to Home Depot to pick up an small online order. I was amazed at all the sales people hanging around with nothing to do. As I came in the door, a friendly gal directed me to the Service Desk, where no one was ready to help me. After standing there in plain site of no less than 3 nearby Home Depot employees, I was a bit disappointed that none of them came to help me. I finally had to ask one of them for help. The only person, who appeared to be busy, was the gal on the phone in the back office. I guess it was her job to help me. It sure would have been nice, if one of the others had at least acknowledged my presence without me having to ask. The whole experience reminded me why I've never liked such stores. I'm so glad yesterday's experience was more pleasant!

Flashback

I had one of those moments today, which I call a flashback. You know...one of those moments, when, just for a minute, you are transported back in time. Back...before he died.

I had opened a piece of mail, which turned out to be an invitation of sorts. Then...just for a second...I felt a thrill of excitement. I turned to run and tell him about the invitation. Almost simultaneously, I realized he was not here, and there was no one, with which to share my short-lived joy.

It would have been an easy time for a good cry, but I decided--not today.