It doesn't seem possible that I've been a widow for four years. I wondered what life would be like after a few years had passed and now I've found out.
The seasons still come and go. My daughters are continuing on without the good counsel and present influence of their father. My grandchildren are growing up. I'm not feeling as stressed as I felt the first three years of my new life. I'm OK.
Life is once again normal--just a different normal than it used to be. I deal with the problems that come my way without the help of my husband--just like millions of other women have to do. Yes, it is more difficult and confusing, but I manage with the help of God. I look to Him for help more often than I did in my old life.
I've learned to make-do and not fret about it. I've managed to do a few minor plumbing tasks. With the help of YouTube, I was able to replace the pump in the master bath toilet. It works. The only thing I can't figure out is why it makes a terrible whistling, tooting sound. It didn't do that for the first few months, but now it does it at every flush. And it's loud! You can hear it all through the house and probably outside--if the window is open! Oh well, it works, so I'll just live with it.
Life goes on. I try to look for a purpose in each new day.
"Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men." Colossians 3:23
Showing posts with label living alone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label living alone. Show all posts
Monday, October 14, 2013
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Flashback
I had one of those moments today, which I call a flashback. You know...one of those moments, when, just for a minute, you are transported back in time. Back...before he died.
I had opened a piece of mail, which turned out to be an invitation of sorts. Then...just for a second...I felt a thrill of excitement. I turned to run and tell him about the invitation. Almost simultaneously, I realized he was not here, and there was no one, with which to share my short-lived joy.
It would have been an easy time for a good cry, but I decided--not today.
I had opened a piece of mail, which turned out to be an invitation of sorts. Then...just for a second...I felt a thrill of excitement. I turned to run and tell him about the invitation. Almost simultaneously, I realized he was not here, and there was no one, with which to share my short-lived joy.
It would have been an easy time for a good cry, but I decided--not today.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Overwhelmed--Still
I can't seem to get past it! So many days, I feel completely overwhelmed. I do so well--for a day or two--maybe even three! Then, it hits me again. I'm engulfed in a mudslide. At first, I just slip a little. Then, I really start to slide, and I feel as if I'm losing control. I can't gain any footing. I look around desperately. I say to myself, "It isn't really bad at all! It just seems that way for the moment. Get a grip!"
Whew! OK, I take a deep breath and let it out. Not exactly slowly. My breath sort of chugs out, and I shudder. I try to gain control. I can do this life. I know I can. I must. Concentrate on something you do have control over. Oh, yeah, I will go put a load of clothes from the washer into the dryer. I can do that...Things return to normal.
The holidays are hard for me, still, but not in the way I might expect. Yes, I do miss Don as much as ever, but that is a constant. The most difficult part is doing all that must be done by myself and without him. I am fortunate to have people who help me. For example, my son-in-law got down my artificial tree at Thanksgiving. It is impossible for me to get it down from the loft over the garage, so his thoughtfulness was much appreciated.
Putting the tree together had always been a joint effort for Don and me. I would fluff and he would attach. He put on the lights. I put on the ornaments. Alone, it took me a few days. I did enjoy it, but it was very time-consuming. Today, I am thinking ahead to the task of taking it all down. That will take another few days. It can be almost overwhelming, but not quite.
I think the problem for me is--all the "not quite" tasks put together. That's where it gets almost too much! Then, I must rely on the One, who is always with me, as I say to myself, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."(Philippians 4:13)
.
Whew! OK, I take a deep breath and let it out. Not exactly slowly. My breath sort of chugs out, and I shudder. I try to gain control. I can do this life. I know I can. I must. Concentrate on something you do have control over. Oh, yeah, I will go put a load of clothes from the washer into the dryer. I can do that...Things return to normal.
The holidays are hard for me, still, but not in the way I might expect. Yes, I do miss Don as much as ever, but that is a constant. The most difficult part is doing all that must be done by myself and without him. I am fortunate to have people who help me. For example, my son-in-law got down my artificial tree at Thanksgiving. It is impossible for me to get it down from the loft over the garage, so his thoughtfulness was much appreciated.
Putting the tree together had always been a joint effort for Don and me. I would fluff and he would attach. He put on the lights. I put on the ornaments. Alone, it took me a few days. I did enjoy it, but it was very time-consuming. Today, I am thinking ahead to the task of taking it all down. That will take another few days. It can be almost overwhelming, but not quite.
I think the problem for me is--all the "not quite" tasks put together. That's where it gets almost too much! Then, I must rely on the One, who is always with me, as I say to myself, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."(Philippians 4:13)
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Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Going Forward
Life has been moving right along, and I'm now a widow of almost 3 years--specifically: 2 years and 22 months. Mine was a traditional marriage. I was in charge of the household and my husband was in charge of the outdoor space and everything mechanical and technological. He was the fixer.
Today, I met with Mike, the propane man. He installed new regulators for me, as now required by law to be replaced every 15 years. He showed me where the emergency cut-off was located and how to turn it off. I didn't know there was an emergency shut-off, so I feel more in control now. These are things I need to know in my new normal.
My biggest accomplishment, however, was in asking him for information about installing an additional, hot water heater--gas. I recently went to Lowe's and was told that they would not install a new one, unless it replaced an old one--something about liability. Mike looked things over and told me that he could install the new, gas hot water heater. He wrote down information, as he examined the area, where I plan to add the gas hot water heater. I will get a call, soon, to give me a bid on the cost.
I am so relieved that I was able to do this task without making myself sick with worry. I guess I've finally adjusted to the new normal of being a widow who is confident and able to go forward into new territory.
Today, I met with Mike, the propane man. He installed new regulators for me, as now required by law to be replaced every 15 years. He showed me where the emergency cut-off was located and how to turn it off. I didn't know there was an emergency shut-off, so I feel more in control now. These are things I need to know in my new normal.
My biggest accomplishment, however, was in asking him for information about installing an additional, hot water heater--gas. I recently went to Lowe's and was told that they would not install a new one, unless it replaced an old one--something about liability. Mike looked things over and told me that he could install the new, gas hot water heater. He wrote down information, as he examined the area, where I plan to add the gas hot water heater. I will get a call, soon, to give me a bid on the cost.
I am so relieved that I was able to do this task without making myself sick with worry. I guess I've finally adjusted to the new normal of being a widow who is confident and able to go forward into new territory.
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